i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
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