just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
