True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
