you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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