Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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