What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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