i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
