So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
