I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
