girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
