last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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