just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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