bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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