I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My ass is underappreciated
Randomize
