So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
