To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Your penis caused this!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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