No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
