did you get engaged???
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My penis needs a shock collar
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
