I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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