Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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