can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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