I just cut my nipple shaving
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
