my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
