i already hear my dad disowning me
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
