Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
