He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
