if only i could text you this smell
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
