I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
