In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
