you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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