Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
