I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Randomize
