Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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