whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
