I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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