Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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