i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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