It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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