So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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