Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
