I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Two words: nipple clamps
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