carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
