How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
