Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
A bitchslap is in order.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
