Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
