My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
