Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
