Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
