Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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