We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Randomize
