He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
