Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
