WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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