...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
