How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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