toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
