What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
