So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
