Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
