i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
