Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
is that a dick in a sweater?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
