I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize