I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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