New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize