I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
