tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
