is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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