My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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