It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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