Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
