Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I could fuck to npr.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
