She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
