Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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